✦ I'M OPEN TO WORK ✦ I'M UKKO MUSTAKOSKI — PROFESSIONALLY BETWEEN OPPORTUNITIES ✦ I'M AVAILABLE 24/7 ✦ I CLIMB. I GAME. I'M UNEMPLOYED. ✦ I WILL WORK FOR SNACKS ✦ I'M OPEN TO WORK ✦ I'M UKKO MUSTAKOSKI — PROFESSIONALLY BETWEEN OPPORTUNITIES ✦ I'M AVAILABLE 24/7 ✦ I CLIMB. I GAME. I'M UNEMPLOYED. ✦ I WILL WORK FOR SNACKS
My Portfolio 2025 — Edition: Desperate

Employed
Enthusias­tically
Available

Ukko Mustakoski

My curated chronicle of ambition, setbacks,
and unfulfilled LinkedIn promises.

I'm available immediately — like, right now — please
0
847 Applications I've sent
3 Callbacks I've received
∞ Coffees I've consumed
0.4% My response rate
01 /

My Experience

Jan 2025 — Present
Professional Job Seeker
Self-Employed (Reluctantly)
I send 15+ tailored cover letters weekly into a void that occasionally auto-replies. I've mastered the art of refreshing job boards at 2am and become intimately familiar with the phrase "we've decided to move forward with other candidates."
My Current Role
Ongoing
2022 — 2024
Senior Something-or-Other
A Company That Did Layoffs
I contributed meaningfully to quarterly objectives and cross-functional synergies. I was told my role was "not eliminated, just restructured" approximately 10 minutes before it was eliminated.
Laid Off
Ended
Summer 2019
Intern (Unpaid)
Prestigious-Sounding Agency
I made coffee. I reorganised the supply cupboard. I was invited to "shadowing opportunities" which turned out to be watching someone else do their actual job. I received a certificate of completion and no job offer.
Character Building
Seasonal
02 /

My Core Competencies

💼 Professional

Tailoring Cover Letters
Being "A Fast Learner"
Team Collaboration
Strategic Pivoting
Salary Negotiation

🛋️ Unemployment

Midday Napping
LinkedIn Doom-Scrolling
Explaining My Gap
Budget Cooking
Existential Resilience

🎮 What I'm Actually Good At

Video Games
Rock Climbing
Problem Solving Under Pressure
Spatial Awareness
Not Giving Up Mid-Route

🛠️ My Transferable*

Basic Video Editing
Photo Editing (Lightroom)
Canva / Basic Design
Social Media Content
Microsoft Office

* Mostly self-taught during my unemployment.
YouTube tutorials count, right?

03 /

What They Say About Me

"A real go-getter. Honestly surprised he hasn't been snapped up yet. Must be the market."
— My Former Manager, LinkedIn Connection #312
"We were so impressed with his application. Unfortunately we went in a different direction. Best of luck."
— HR Bot, Faceless Corporation Inc.
"He finished a climbing route and hit a new rank in the same afternoon. Focus like that is rare."
— My Mum, Unsolicited Reference

Let's Make
Something
Official

I come with my own laptop, a positive attitude that is 60% genuine, and an extremely practised handshake. When I'm not applying to jobs, I'm conquering a climbing wall or gaining some elo — both require grip strength and my refusal to quit. I'm available for interviews 24/7. I have nowhere else to be.

Hire Me. Please.